How to talk so people listen Here is a little from the book
How Do I Know?
Just like the stranger who walked into your office and told you to
change how you always did something, I need to answer your next logical
questions: "Who are you? What do you know? Why should I believe and
accept your advice?"
I've worked as a communicator all my life, continually trying to solve
the puzzle of how to get people—an audience of one or many—to
become interested, stay tuned, and then absorb my message. Starting in
childhood, as a dancer and musician, creating as well as performing, the
challenge was to recognize that my audience doesn't know—or yet
care—about this message I'm burning to give them. I needed to find a
way, non-verbally, to get them to understand me.
As an adult, the challenge was first teaching the arts and then
working with the most difficult audience to capture—the television
audience. Producing, reporting on the arts, making films, hosting my
own talk show for ten years—the letters (and the ratings!) gave me instant
feedback about what works and what goes astray, even with the best of
intentions.
So I turned to look at the real world: at what happens to us in our
daily lives, at where and how we miss each other, and how I could add
some clarity and new techniques to this seemingly simple, instinctive,
spontaneous but often unsuccessful process—communicating.
I started working with trial lawyers to show them how their
audience—the jury—sees them, what they expect, and what they need
in order to be persuaded. I worked with doctors on the doctor-patient
relationship and how to establish dialogues, not monologues, in the
office. With politicians, the challenge was to get past the initial cynical
audience response; to find ways to be credible as well as forceful,
interesting, and clear.
The business world presents its own unique challenges and that's
what this book is about. Whether it's my work with CEOs, with
executives, managers, or staff, the hardest things to do are to find out
what you actually want to communicate, and then, in your natural style,
to get others to listen and understand.
So—that's why I know.
Now, let's begin by setting the scene: Our basic communications
problems; how we communicate in the workplace; and how the three
basic work types, Achiever, Affiliate, and Influencer, operate.
WHY WE HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME
COMMUNICATING
As I walked into the office of one of my clients, a senior vice president
of one of America's major corporations, he said:
"You know, Sonya, it's incredible. I just walked out of a meeting with
two other executives and I still don't know if one of them really wants to
do this project or whether the other one even understands it yet!"
